My Higher Power is John Stamos
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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