his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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