It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
