It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
