I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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