my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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