guys are not supposed to queef...right?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
