I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
