i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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