I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
