Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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