yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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