let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
