i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
