We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
