T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
