hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
