Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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