so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize