it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
