textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Of course I have a pirate flag
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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