you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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