I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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