kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
