I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i may or may not be watching the land before time
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
