he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
