Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The uberlube is also flammable
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Naked. naked and bneed help.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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