Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
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This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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