Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
