I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
