I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
