I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
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Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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