the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he thought i was a dude.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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