RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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