Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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