I hate your face
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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