she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
