Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
