just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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