I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize