i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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