meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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