When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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