She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
