can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
