You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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