i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
