You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I believe in your delicious
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
