She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
