im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
