ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
