Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
