Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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