he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
