an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
