Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
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flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
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do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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