sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Are we still banned from the library?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
