shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
