The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
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I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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