pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
